A True Story As Written By Adam

"Cover your heads people!" My six year old Toby exclaimed

as we approached Walmart.

"Prepare for battle". 

This was his war cry as he wrapped the top of his head

in his jacket.

"What is the problem?"  I relented as I tried to herd

our four kids all under 10 years old into the tire

and lube center.

  

"It's them."  He pointed skyward.  "The pigeons. 

Don't scare them. Pigeons poop when you scare them. 

They can't help it!" 

My eight year old Aiden, was nodding in agreement. 

"It's true, he's right."

 Delaney my two year old added "Ew poop, Ew poop"

to anyone; family, onlookers, spectators other customers

or workers. She was a toddler sized FEMA broadcast. 

The customers were obviously split into two groups in front

of me. Those who have bright, out going children, who speak

their minds and those who have the same but often hate that

they have quite so many.

Thanks to PBS kids my sons had become savants  to the pigeon 

gastrointestinal process.

"Look" exclaimed Aiden as he pointed at two pigeons jockeying

 for position in front of the warm air return vent high above us.

"They're mating"

"They are NOT mating" I declared while I swept my youngest

and only girl, Delaney aka Princess aka Princess-cuts-a lot 

(the latter due to her prowess with a plastic sword,

 often backing her older brothers in to corners 

with none to playful swipes of a hard plastic blade). 

Aiden was still shaking his head, as if to indicate to his

brothers how little dad really knows about pigeons and their mating habits.    

In mid swoop the soda can in my hand got caught up in the 

momentum and a portion flung out on to the ground and 

on to my ten year old,Lucas.    

"What was that?"  Lucas exclaimed, True terror iced his words. 

Luke's body was frozen in fear of foreign urea.  He was checking

 his dampened shirt like a soldier searching for flesh 

wounds after a fire fight.

   

"My soda spilled a little Luke" I said.  

"Oh, thank goodness, I thought it was a pigeon peeing on me." 

Apparently,nothing fills a ten year old boy's nightmares 

quite like the thought of pigeon urine coming in 

contact with clothing and skin. 

You'd be forever known as the kid who got peed

on by pigeons. 

That is a story that does not easily die, that's the stuff of urban 

legends and local torment.

Delaney looked at his dampened shirt and up at 

her eldest brother's relieved face.   

She pointed and delivered. "Eww poop"