"Cover your heads people!" My six year old Toby exclaimed
as we approached Walmart.
"Prepare for battle".
This was his war cry as he wrapped the top of his head
in his jacket.
"What is the problem?" I relented as I tried to herd
our four kids all under 10 years old into the tire
and lube center.
"It's them." He pointed skyward. "The pigeons.
Don't scare them. Pigeons poop when you scare them.
They can't help it!"
My eight year old Aiden, was nodding in agreement.
"It's true, he's right."
Delaney my two year old added "Ew poop, Ew poop"
to anyone; family, onlookers, spectators other customers
or workers. She was a toddler sized FEMA broadcast.
The customers were obviously split into two groups in front
of me. Those who have bright, out going children, who speak
their minds and those who have the same but often hate that
they have quite so many.
Thanks to PBS kids my sons had become savants to the pigeon
"Look" exclaimed Aiden as he pointed at two pigeons jockeying
for position in front of the warm air return vent high above us.
"They are NOT mating" I declared while I swept my youngest
and only girl, Delaney aka Princess aka Princess-cuts-a lot
(the latter due to her prowess with a plastic sword,
often backing her older brothers in to corners
with none to playful swipes of a hard plastic blade).
Aiden was still shaking his head, as if to indicate to his
brothers how little dad really knows about pigeons and their mating habits.
In mid swoop the soda can in my hand got caught up in the
momentum and a portion flung out on to the ground and
on to my ten year old,Lucas.
"What was that?" Lucas exclaimed, True terror iced his words.
Luke's body was frozen in fear of foreign urea. He was checking
his dampened shirt like a soldier searching for flesh
wounds after a fire fight.
"My soda spilled a little Luke" I said.
"Oh, thank goodness, I thought it was a pigeon peeing on me."
Apparently,nothing fills a ten year old boy's nightmares
quite like the thought of pigeon urine coming in
contact with clothing and skin.
You'd be forever known as the kid who got peed
on by pigeons.
That is a story that does not easily die, that's the stuff of urban
legends and local torment.
Delaney looked at his dampened shirt and up at
her eldest brother's relieved face.
She pointed and delivered. "Eww poop"